Cairn // vol. 24.: april 2020

April has been hard. Motivation has been hard to come by, I’m stressed out because I’m behind on blogs, I’m dying to shoot a wedding and I think, like many people, I’m mildly depressed. It’s been so long since I’ve experienced normal, that I vaguely remember what it’s like to go out to bars, baseball games, dinner, and coffee shops. It’s starting to hit me that any semblance of normal is a long way off and it’s not going to be the normal I remember. Then again, by that time I might remember what normal looks like.

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Cairn vol. 21 // january

Well, 2019 has started off nicely. Social media has gotten done, and I spent the month ahead on blogs. I’ve found the motivation to do the things I need to do, thanks to accountability from my boyfriend who is amazing. I’ve always done better with another person in it with me. Goals come easier when I know there is accountability and I know there is someone actively participating with me. For a long time, I thought there was something wrong with me that I couldn’t handle such tasks on my own, but now I see that dreams and goals were never meant to be done alone.

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Cairn vol 20. // this is fricken hard.

Welcome to the last Cairn of the year, the last little entrepreneurial trail marker that comes before the new year. As this year wraps up, I find myself wrestling with a few things. I owe these wrestlings to my boyfriend, who is constantly challenging me and keeping me accountable. Just as my dad would, he is challenging me to do the work, and do good work. December has brought a few tough tasks business-wise.

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Cairn vol. 19 // On Cats, Gratitude, and Other Beautiful Things

‘Tis the season, for Starbucks holiday drinks, airport security lines, busted Christmas lights, delicious food family gatherings, and for many people, stress. As someone who has spent many a holiday under stress, I have learned the value of gratitude. As Thanksgiving comes upon us, I thought I would take some time to reflect on the things I have found myself grateful for this year.

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Cairn vol. 18 // Feeling Like a Fake

I’ve been a business owner for 3 years. I’ve been a designer on a professional level for 5. I’ve been a photographer for 11 years and doing it professionally for 7. I started my life as a creative in 2006, thirteen years ago. And you know what? I still sometimes feel like I’m not enough. I still feel like a fake and a fraud. This month, all of these feelings came to a head and I was forced to confront them. One of these moments came in the form of a creative breakdown where I realized that I hated what I was shooting, erased the card and went and cried my eyes out in the bathroom till I felt sick.

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Cairn vol. 17 // March Was Fiery.

When we shirk our own desires and beat ourselves into submission of sociocultural norms, the status quo and conventional living, we fail to make our lives our own. As we age, the reality of our choices sinks in and becomes regret. When it comes to our careers, it’s 47 years that we won’t get back. That’s most of our lives. That’s not a kind realization when you’re in your golden years. You might have a nice retirement account, but what is money when you realize you were too bound to convention to really live?

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