I know what you’re thinking. “Wait, I thought you loved weddings.” If that’s correct, my answer is, “I do.” (No pun intended.) If you’re thinking, “I wish someone would bring me some snacks,” I relate to you and we’re in this together, homeskillet. The truth is, I love my job. I love photographing weddings. Most of them are quite reasonable, and lovely affairs. But I’ve read about some, and been apart of some where some of it becomes about something other than the couple. It stops being about entering into a sacred bond and covenant.
GROOM/BRIDEZILLA-ING OVER EVERY LITTLE DETAIL
I get it. You’ve dreamed about this day for possibly decades. I know how important it is for everything to be just right. But goodness. Stop getting so wrapped up in the wedding that you forget that you’re entering a marriage. The wedding is about the wedding, but is primarily about entering into marriage. Remember that this day is about your commitment to your spouse. Your wedding doesn’t have to look just like your Pinterest board (which, by the way, is a bunch of pictures of styled shoots and other peoples’ weddings). Accept that some things won’t be perfectly to your preference or go the way you imagined.
Photo: Don’t get so wrapped up in the wedding that you lose sight of the marriage.
OSTENTATIOUSNESS
I’m not knocking the people who have expensive weddings with 400 guests and a seven-course meal. If that’s your game, have at it. I’m knocking the notion that it has to be a big, expensive, insta-perfect party to be perfect. People are starting to go for shock value, and social media likes for their weddings, and I personally think they are missing the point. Get married, have a party, invite who you want, spend as much as you want, but don’t do any of that for the ‘Gram. Don’t decide you have to throw a larger-than-life wedding just gain 3 seconds of attention from strangers on the internet in order for it to be worth it.
STRESSING OVER THE VENDORS DOING THEIR JOBS
I have witnessed several brides be stressing out both before the wedding and after the wedding day about whether or not the vendors did their jobs. Don’t do this. Are the flowers properly refrigerated? Did the photographer get this detail or that moment? Is the cake in the right place? Will the DJ say the right things? OMG OMG OMG! You hired these vendors for a reason and you probably paid a nice pretty penny for them. Trust them to do their job, and remember that just because you don’t see every behind the scenes moment, have control over every word the DJ says, know where the cake or flowers are, or see every photo being taken, doesn't; mean that your vendors are failing and if you assume they are failing you will be stressed out, insult your vendors, and maybe even call into question your own judgment since you were the one that hired them. And that’s the point. You hired them. Trust them.
I want to throw a disclamer in here. There are wedding vendors out there who are trustworthy up until game time. DJ’s who don’t play anything on your request list, florists who don’t care for the flowers properly, photographers who have “killer portfolios” of other people’s work, and other vendors that don’t tell you everything up front. I hate this for couples who experience this. It angers me to no end because those so-called vendors will turn a wedding day from a dream into a nightmare. For the money that is being invested in a wedding, vendors owe it to clients to deliver with the quality they’ve advertised and they’ve promised. If you’re planning a wedding, and you want to know how to avoid scammy, overrated photographers, look no further than my posts on hiring a photographer and what to expect from them on your big day. Then transfer some of that information to other vendors.
WHAT ACTUALLY MATTERS
While I’ve been to a lot of really cool weddings, I think one of the most memorable was a Jewish wedding I second shot. The ceremony had its fun bits in it, but most of the ceremony was about the sacredness of the marriage bond. The other wedding that comes to mind is one where the couple got down to business. The ceremony covered the bases and lasted 3 minutes. Like driving through small Iowa towns, blink and you missed it. You don’t need a unity ceremony, you don’t need poetry or special readings, you don’t need any of that, regardless of what the internet says. I’m not saying skip the readings, music and unity ceremony. I’m saying choose the parts of the ceremony that YOU want. If you don’t want to pour sand as a unity ceremony, don’t. Make a sandwich instead. Take a shot. Take communion. Or don’t have a unity ceremony if you don’t want to. Don’t want to pay for a caterer? Don’t. Just get a crap ton of hors d’ourves and pay for a bartender. What actually matters to you?
In short, it’s your wedding. Do it your way. And chill out while you do it. You’ve dreamed and planned for this day for a long time. I believe you deserve to enjoy it.