April has been hard. Motivation has been hard to come by, I’m stressed out because I’m behind on blogs, I’m dying to shoot a wedding and I think, like many people, I’m mildly depressed. It’s been so long since I’ve experienced normal, that I vaguely remember what it’s like to go out to bars, baseball games, dinner, and coffee shops. It’s starting to hit me that any semblance of normal is a long way off and it’s not going to be the normal I remember. Then again, by that time I might remember what normal looks like.

GIVEAWAY
So, I’m thinking of doing a giveaway that supports local businesses. I’m thinking of giving away a portrait session, maybe a mug from a local shop, and a scenic flight at the flight school I attend. I don’t know how to do a giveaway. I’m thinking of doing a drawing maybe? I don’t know. It’s difficult because a portrait session and a scenic flight would have to be limited to central Iowa only. What do you think?

BEING BEHIND ON BLOGS
As I said, I’ve been feeling a little depressed and lacking in motivation. With that, I’ve fallen behind on blogs. It’s not just one or two. It’s about 6 weeks. It’s bad. Part of it is that I’ve been focusing on client work, which has been necessary, but some of it has been just not being motivated. I miss that one time in December/January where I had a month of blogs scheduled. I’m gonna have to do that again because that was nice. It was the end of December and I was writing for February. I’m working on getting back to that.

MISSING WEDDINGS
I am so homesick (worksick?) for weddings. I love shooting weddings more than just about anything I’ve ever done. I can go back and edit weddings I’ve second shot, but it’s not the same as a 10-hour workday. There are so many couples who are heartbroken because they have to postpone their weddings, and I feel for them. I feel for them because I am only the photographer. If I’m saddened by not being able to photograph their special days and I know that my fellow photographers are likely having many similar feelings. How much deeper must those feelings of sadness run when you are actually the one getting married? If you’re reading this and you’re a couple who has had to postpone, I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. My heart hurts for you. I can’t imagine how heavy these times must be.

MOTIVATION IS DIFFICULT + WEAR-AND-TEAR OF PANDEMIC LIFE
I’m gonna be super honest with you. I’m completely unmotivated right now. I still do all the work, it’s just harder to do. Living through a pandemic is really draining. Even for someone who works from home. For me the hardest part has been the cognitive dissonance caused by the intersection of normal and abnormal. I feel the abnormal around me. I see it around me and I feel little bits of it in my own life. The things that are normal tell me things are normal, and the things around me that aren’t really push back against that and it causes some cognitive dissonance. I feel like I’m in this ambiguous limbo of disorientation between the normal and the abnormal. It feels like the twilight zone. Things are normal but they’re not and things aren’t normal but they are. I feel scattered and I don’t know what to make of my surroundings on the most basic level of human functioning. Consider Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs but in a bubble that holds the pyramid together. The pandemic popped the bubble and now each level is intact (the needs are met), but they’re kind of going every which way and I can’t always tell where they are. I really hope to feel less scattered soon.