Most of the time, I'm confident and secure in my appearance. I feel just as awesome in sweats and an old sweatshirt as I do a fancy red dress. Other times, I just don't like the way I look. Maybe my skin looks dingy, I have some blemishes or maybe it's a bad hair day. In some form or fashion, I don't feel like showing myself to the world as I am, so I fix myself up with all the bells and whistles. I bust out the Spanx, the hair spray, and all my makeup. When all is said and done, I still feel awesome about myself, but I wasn't keen on showing myself to the world as I am, because I don't want the world to see me as something I'm not. I think this is part of the vulnerability in being photographed. People want to be seen as they are, and we sometimes do what we can to make sure we are presenting to the world who we are inside, even if it's not exactly how things are going that day. As a photographer, it's my job to help you show the world your best and most genuine self in that moment. I never want my clients to feel like they need to "fix" themselves up to be photographed. I want my clients to come as they are.

This is hard to let yourself do, and as a photographer, I struggle with it myself. I have no idea what I'm doing when I'm on the other side of the camera.

I can pose and direct and adjust lights all with confidence when I'm the one shooting, but get me on the other side of the lens and I freeze up. I don't know what to do. I get uncomfortable. I get self-conscious. It feels like all my little insecurities are out on display, loudly competing with one another for the spotlight. It's like that dream where you're naked in a public place. When I get in front of the camera, I feel naked. I feel like there are parts of me being seen and I don't have control over that, and I instantly want to fix myself up. My natural response is to tense up and hide it by telling the person shooting that I'm "so awkward in front of the camera," or to start talking about my insecurities. This is just a variation on "I'm not photogenic." It took me being a subject to understand why people are uncomfortable.

As I mentioned in part one, being photographed is a vulnerable thing and as photographers, we are not immune from that. One thing that has helped me is taking photography courses, not just to keep my skills sharp, but to get used to being vulnerable when I'm being photographed. In some context, I highly recommend every photographer be someone's model for the sole purpose of connecting with that part of themselves that doesn't feel completely at ease with a lens pointed at them. It seems like a silly thing to do, and after awhile you may get used to it, but remembering what it's like to be photographed is something that can help us empathize with our clients. Maybe even choose to be photographed when you're not looking or feeling your best. Sometimes people feel that discomfort even when they look and feel their best. It's not necessarily a confidence issue, but a vulnerability issue. Our job as photographers is to help our subject feel confident and comfortable, so they feel awesome about how they look in their photos.

On the other side of the lens, we find that the interaction between artist and subject is an emotionally intimate one. We have this dance with our subject where we try to capture their genuine self but also honor and protect that sacred space of vulnerability. We share that space with our subject. It can be a somewhat precarious place to be as a photographer as we come to understand the nature of this interaction. I once heard a story about a photographer who was doing school portraits with fairly young students, and asked for one of his subjects to take their hands out of their pockets because the student "didn't need to be playing pocket pool." Not only is it wildly inappropriate, but this was a child being photographed. Children are already vulnerable as it is, but many kids already don't like picture day. Do you think that photographer put his subject at ease? Do you think behavior like that encourages a person to be themselves?

Perhaps a better way to handle that situation would have been to ask the student to fold his hands in his lap, and asked him about his favorite food or his favorite subject in school. Something to break that tension and make the kid feel valued in that little moment. While I have had very few clients for whom such a question would be relevant (although, one gentleman was overjoyed at the mention of cookies. Can't really blame the guy.), it is one technique I use to connect. If I know my client is into sports, I ask how their favorite team is doing, or their hopes for next season. I sometimes ask these questions on a deeper level, such as, "What do you like to do in your free time?" or, "What has been the high point of the past year?" I don't do this just for the photo. I ask these things because I care about my clients as people.

If you are a photographer or are interested in spending more time with human subjects, I would highly recommend being a subject for someone. As you're positioned on the other side of the lens, think about the kinds of things that make you smile and laugh, the kinds of things that get you show genuine emotion. Finally, pay attention to what you are feeling. Are you nervous? Are you feeling more visible? Consider why you feel that way and what you might need to be put at ease. Your clients or subjects might feel the same way. Understand what it's like to be photographed, and use that experience to reveal to you how you can authentically connect with your subject. Genuine connection results in the best images.